Okay. So, I'm single again I guess. I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet. All I can say is that I'm a whirlwind of emotions. Nothing like emotional free falls and all that but more of like in a conundrum cause I'm neither here nor there. Well, correction, I WAS like that. As of yesterday I've decided that, you know what?, I think this might be a good thing. Give me space to be myself, work on our friendship and leave the rest to god ( or for you atheists out there; time ). No matter, whatever it is, I've decided to be in a better place. Mind over matter (:
After all, I am one that is of the concept that love is but a decision brought on by a little bit of attraction. So, if love; one of the highest emotions as we humans have put it, is but a choice, so is everything in life. We just have to put mind over matter ( and yes, I know I'm quoting Twilight -.- ). Sorry lah. It fits, so who gives a shit? So, once again, I'm back to being ok with where I am. I guess I just needed time to sort things out in my head. (:
May it be an upgrade again or just staying where I am, I'll take it with no complaints and just try and make the best out of it.
It's so sad nowadays, that wherever I look, I see kids. Teenagers, in other words my peers looking for an escape. From what? I don't know...l perhaps reality? And to where? I have yet to be enlightened. No matter where I turn to, I almost always see at least one person turning them-self deaf, plugging their ears, shutting the melodious music of the world, out! May it be when studying, sleeping or sometimes, just because they are sitting alone and don't want to look lonely...
I get it. The beauty of music and all that. The thing is, I'm also one of these people I've been describing. My reasons are no different from the hundred others, but it doesn't spare me from thinking; how much we're deafening ourselves in the name of music. Oh! And I'm not just referring to the damage by extensive exposure to loud music stuffed into our earlobe but also metaphorically... Like a man pretending to sleep ( it's an Indian saying, bear with me ), we are shutting ourselves off of people and our surroundings. Although I LOVE music and know that it is actually good for us and would argue on that any day, I also seem to notice that this habit is making more and more people antisocial. They rather seek the company of music than converse with the people next to them. Keeping this in mind, I try to reduce this habit in myself but its hard. Especially when you're alone and there's is no good book by your side or you're just not in the mood for company.
Listen to music. I didn't say don't. But try and share it with people while you're at it. So, instead of plugging our ears, we could turn the speaker up and sing along with friends . Not only is it fun, it also apparently brings people together ( or so study shows ). Who knows? It might change your day, or even your life.
Ok. I really have to stop making it a habit to blog once a month. It's becoming really unhealthy since this is practically the only writing exercise I get. I gotta stop being such a procrastinator and I'm working on it. Honestly, I am. It ain't easy, but baby steps, right? (;
Moving on, A-Levels has been okay so far. I guess it's because I've covered most of the early chapters in MUFY, so I can afford my attention to be divided a little for the time being. If anything, I would have to say that Physics is the hardest cause that's the one subject I'm taking that I haven't been in touch with since SPM. It's funny, the relationship I have with Physics... I really do like Physics but the thing is, the feeling never seems mutual. It's as though the subject is just out to get me! ( I wonder if that is even possible o.o ) Hmm...
On another note, I have successfully just been on my first ever college trip, even if it was just to Melaka. Actually, this year has been a lot of firsts; my first photo booth, my first time going to a driving range ( golf ), my first ever Rave and so many more that I can't remember. It's been one of those good college stories that you hear
Anyways, back to the trip. Ironically, being my first trip, I would've been expected to go with my course mates but it was actually, one organized by the CIMP-ians. And thank you guys for making last Saturday such a memorable one (: I have no idea what were half the places we visited, but all I know is that I enjoyed myself, what with the wonderful company, the camwhorring and the FOOD!
Well, I guess that's about it for now.
P.S. Still working on looking at people's eyes when I talk.
Ok, I know it been too long since my last post and very sorry for that... I did write a draft a couple weeks back but I've no idea why I haven't posted it yet O.o. So, yeah...
Anyways, in the last couple weeks, there have been many new things both good and bad that have occured. For one, I got back my SPM results last week Thursday. It was ok, I'm satisfied with it but I know I could've done better... However, that being said, I'm not complaining. So, that goes into the 'good' category (:
Of course, if something good happens, something bad just HAS to come along. Thus, that brings me to my driving test. Yeap! After taking lessons since Jan, I finally took the dreaded test. But as you might have guessed right now, I failed :/. Only the inside part though... I passed my road at least (: So, I guess it isn't all bad but it does mean I now have to and repeat that part and with my schedule, God knows if I'll have time to spare.
Speaking of my schedule, a major change which, being an optimist, I'm taking as good one is; I changed course from MUFY to A-Levels. So, yeah! I'm now officially in the A-Levels March Intake and my classes begin today. Speaking of, I should prolly head for my subject registration right now. So, au revoir!
If you were to ask me, what is my worst nightmare, the scariest boogeyman under my bed, I would say that it would be; to die alone.
That being said, I think I'm gonna die a spinster and it scares the hell out of me. I have so many expectations and too many restrictions that I think I'm purposely cutting myself off fighting off THE boogeyman. Of course, I know that one does not have to have company to be happy, blah! blah! blah! -.-
Hell!, I say that myself.
But then again, I'm a self accredited hypocrite, so no contradictions are due. It is how I am I guess. Sometimes, I feel like I'm picking up a shovel, continuously digging myself deeper, away from commitment.
However, it's not as if I'm afraid of being in a relationship or of commitment. It's just that I'm so afraid that I will be the one to disappoint and not the other way around 0.o . My expectations are not really that high, come to think of it... It's just that I feel like I keep screwing things up. Maybe I should cross my fingers, be myself and just hope for the best.